7/08/2009

no idea what would hit us





this was one of her favorite meals.
IT IS MY FAVORITE!!! (she taught me)
i was so excited when she said she was craving it. Mitchell, Jon and I went to the store and made her fresh corn OFF THE COBB, mixed with green peppers, tomatoes, salt, pepper, and butter. we also made fresh mashed potatoes for her. she loved it. i wish she could have eaten more. i love her.
first day i got there. she was cracking sooo many jokes.
she was the most amazing woman. really, truly.

look at her incredible hair. all the nurses loved it, and they all said she was beautiful and her complexion was unreal. some of the nurses wanted her to adopt them. :) she would have, i know it.

it's hard to write about her, it's hard to try to move on. i hate it. i feel like i'm acting. the first time in my life that i'm making myself act a certain way. the real me would be crying all the time, pissed off at the world...but i'm trying to believe that she was sent here for a reason, and taken away for a reason. i hate that she's gone. i hate it.
i see her in everything though. she's every little bird that catches my eye, she's every little kitty in a window, she's me, she's my sisters, my brothers...she's the dragonfly on our roof in philly, she's the hawk mitchell saw, she's the plants surrounding our home on hamilton st., she's every smiling little kids face, she's every dog that gives me the time of day, she's any moment that takes my breath away, she's any shiny rock i see, any cloud, my grandma's voice, furballs all over the house, trees, corn, flowers,...the list goes on ... SHE IS LOVE. i miss her. i love her. i wish she was still here.

6 comments:

seeehareelwhy said...

I'd like to see you when you get back, if you arent back already. I never got to meet her. I always wanted to. I used to call the house knowiung that Michael was probably still asleep just to talk to her. I never even met her but would talk to her on the phone for little half hour increments almost weekly. Hopefully we see each other soon and I can give you a hug. I'd really like that. xo,carly

lynn. said...

you are so lucky mackenzie.
i love you.
her house looks amazing.
can't wait to have you back. good luck with the house cleaning. xoxoxo


p.s. the secret word that i have type in to post this comment is "downess"

noirohio vintage said...

this made me a little teary eyed... you have such an amazing family.

Liarock said...

mackenzieeee. you are the best, and your mom will be cute forever. your love makes me secretly cry.

Laura said...

wow, mackenzie. i'm sitting here crying. not because I feel bad, but because I know HOW you feel...kinda. Not really, I guess. I mean, when my grandmother died (yes, grandma...so not as hard to handle, I know...but still...) every thing I looked at reminded me of her. and it still does. I feel like she "shows up" when I need her. It's amazing. And it's wonderful. And it will happen for you for the rest of your life. Because I truly believe they can be there for us forever.

Laura said...

wow, mackenzie. i'm sitting here crying. not because I feel bad, but because I know HOW you feel...kinda. Not really, I guess. I mean, when my grandmother died (yes, grandma...so not as hard to handle, I know...but still...) every thing I looked at reminded me of her. and it still does. I feel like she "shows up" when I need her. It's amazing. And it's wonderful. And it will happen for you for the rest of your life. Because I truly believe they can be there for us forever.